Cancer: how it's affected me
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
By: Kaelynn Durnan

"Cancer is THE worst six letter word in the dictionary." Here's how it has affected my life. And I'm only 16 years old.

I was 10 years old, and I remember sitting at the top of the stairs wondering when my grandpa would be home. He lived with us, and I was watching the paramedics carry him out of my house. Little did I know it would be the last time. He had been collapsing for a while now. He took me to an open house at my school, and he fell there.

When he fell in his bedroom this time, he couldn't get up, and he was badly bruised. It looked like someone had beaten him up severely. I didn't understand why I couldn't go to the hospital and see my grandpa. When I finally was able to go, it overtook me. I didn't know why there were machines, and lines, and needles all over the place. I couldn't understand why the nurses had to come in every couple hours to turn him over. I couldn't understand it, but I knew it wasn't good.

The next thing I remember is asking my mom when he was going to come home. My mom's answer was, "Kaelynn, honey, he's dying." It broke my heart. I remember everyday after school he used to take me out for ice cream from McDonalds, or we'd go for a slurpee at Macs. He lived downstairs so he used to invite me down for candy, milk and grapes. We'd paint together. He was my best friend, and my mom told me he was going to leave me. I probably cried for three days straight when I found that out. It left me so distraught.

I remembered having a dream one night that my grandpa had died. I woke up crying at 3 a.m., and already knew it had happened. My parents, my brothers and sister were up. Something bad had happened, and they didn't even have to tell me. I knew. I started to cry, fell against the dishwasher, holding myself up. I stayed home from school that day. I was in shock. If that wasn't bad enough, he died on September 11 of Acute Leukemia and I believe in 2001, but I don't remember for sure.

My uncle died of Parkinson's disease a couple years ago, and two weeks later, my best friend died of bone cancer. They thought she'd be fine after they amputated her leg, but no, it had already spread. She died, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. She was 15 years old. She got me through so much. I have made it in this life longer than she did and it's not fair. She should still be here.

Now they think my grandpa has colon cancer again. That breaks my heart too, because we're in different provinces. I haven't seen him in a long time, probably three or four years. My grandma doesn't like me to talk to him, but we do anyway. I call them every weekend, and get to talk with him for 10 minutes, and it's the highlight of my weekend.

If I were to lose him, it would completely break me. That man is my hero. He has gotten me through so much horrible stuff, that I can't even tell you in words. I love him, and my life has been drastically affected my cancer. Every day I think of the ones I've lost to it. Even right now, the Canadian Cancer Society is in my Planning 10 classroom, and I can't sit through it. Every time they say the word "cancer", tears come to my eyes. I had to leave, because I was crying.

"Cancer" is the WORST six letter word in the dictionary. But even though it's difficult, this is manageable. I know it is. It hurts, some days are worse than others. I know I will get through this and I know I'm going to be okay. Don't give up. Keep smiling, because you're worth it. : )