I am relaying in honor of my Mom
Friday, October 28, 2011
By: Susan MacDonald

My Mom, Shirley Crawford, of Riverbank, NB passed away 6 weeks and 3 days after being diagnosed. Please get your frinds and family to have a mammogram

I will never forget that day, it was a day filled with tears, disbelief, and such absolute helplessness and sadness. I will forever remember answering the phone when Aunt Ina called from the hospital, Steve and I were looking after Dad and she took Mom in for a simple procedure, a blockage in her leg, a CAT scan before surgery to see where it was, so they would know which direction to go when they did the angioplasty. Aunt Ina crying when I answered "Sue, Shirl is filled with cancer, in her breast, liver, spine, leg and brain" I dropped the phone, grabbed my brother, tried to remain calm while telling him... he took off for the hospital, I am left with Dad trying to act normal so he wouldn't know there was anything wrong. I remember shaving him, and cutting his chin because my hands were shaking so bad. Making his breakfast, all the while screaming inside of my head, this isn't real, not my Mom, they have someone else's scan. I give Dad the paper to read, and go to the bedroom to call her family. Unreal, this isn't happening to us, Dad had a stroke this year, he has Alzheimer’s, God wouldn't be so cruel to let this happen to Mom, when all she has done is unselfishly look after him, we were all so focused on Dad, taking my Mom for granted, never once complaining of any pain, how could I have missed this, was she silently suffering? September 16, 2010 was the longest day in history, I wanted to be with her, but I had to stay with Dad, Aunt Anna comes out to stay with me, the rest of her family in the hospital. Before Dad lays down for his nap, he asked me where Mom was, I lied and said she was bumped from surgery and was still waiting in the hospital, he tells me "I know something is wrong, I can feel it". Here is my Dad, with Alzheimer’s, and I guess being married to someone for 47 years, you can feel what the other is going through, and knows when something is wrong. I have to tell him, I am not feeling very strong. Telling Caleb and Matt, watching what I am feeling show on their faces, this is their Nana, a second Mom to them, calling Chelsi, hearing her cry, breaks my heart to see my kids hurting, wishing they didn't have to deal with this pain. This is the day I realize that my 19 year old son Matt has become a man, he wraps his arms around me and says"I will tell him with you Mom".
We sit on either side of Dad on the couch, each holding one of his hands and I gently tell him that Mom is really sick, I tell him the truth, and when I look at his face there are tears rolling down his cheeks, and he asks me to tell him everything and to not lie to him. I tell him, it is not months we will have her with is, it is weeks, hearing myself saying it out loud, again that feeling of talking about someone else, not my Mom. This is a nightmare, I want to wake up. He asked me what will happen to him, I tell him I will always be with him, and look after him. Uncle Bill and Aunt Ruth came to the house when they heard; they drove Dad, Aunt Anna and me in to see Mom. Walking down the hallway to emergency, pushing Dad in a wheelchair, seeing my brother and Aunt Maddie, Aunt Helen, Aunt Ina and Uncle Everett standing there with red eyes and tears on all of their faces, it hits me, this is real. I want to turn around and run away, keep running until I can't feel anything... The Doctor told Uncle Everett they would keep her comfortable, I go in to see Mom laying in the bed, and she looked at me and said "I came to when they were talking to Everett and I heard what they said, they have me mixed up with someone else, only my leg hurts Sue." What do you say? What can you say? all I could do was tell her how much I loved her and that I would be by her side every step of the way, and to not worry about Dad, i would look after him.
This was the beginning of the 6 weeks and 3 days we would have left with my Mom. The first 11 days Mom was still in the hospital, getting her medication sorted out, so she would not feel any pain. My brother moved in, when I wasn't working, I was with her and Dad, I didn’t' think the time would be so short, all I kept thinking was they aren't God, how can they tell us it will be weeks, not months, they don't know. But sadly, they did know. I know we are lucky, some people leave this earth without the chance to say good bye to their loved ones, we had that time, but here it is a year later, I miss her a much today as I did when she left us at 8:42am on November 1st. Still hoping I will wake up from this terrible dream. Dad still thinks Mom is just working, that she will be home at 4pm, what a blessing that he doesn't have to grieve for his best friend every day, sometimes I wish I could believe that she will be home at 4, so we can sit at her kitchen table and talk and have a coffee, miss you Mom :(