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An Alphabet of Breast Cancer

I wrote this during my recovery, in 2008-2009, and it chronicles my personal journey through discovery, surgery, radiation, etc. I realize it is quite long, but I would like to share it with anyone who is interested in reading it.

AN ALPHABET OF BREAST CANCER
One woman's journey through breast cancer
discovery, surgery, treatment and recovery.

I was told in the last week of May of 2008, following a routine mammogram, that there were stellate masses in both of my breasts and that I should have core biopsies conducted malignancy was said to be a definite possibility. I didn't think too much of it, because my breasts have always had quite a bit of fibrous tissue I figured oh, well, it's the same old thing but now the machinery is more sophisticated so they want to take it a step further. And people didn't get cancer without any warning, especially not on both sides at the same time! My breasts didn't feel any different to me I didn't find a lump and go to the doctor because I was concerned; I simply went for my mammogram. I didn't for one minute think that I had cancer.
I had the biopsies done on June 12th, and then began the wait for results. The longer it took, the more convinced I became that everything was okay after all, wouldn't they rush to get the results to you if it was really cancer? I checked back with my doctor periodically, and he had nothing; he seemed concerned, and called the pathologist who was working on the biopsies; still nothing or at least nothing he could tell me. Finally, on the 11th of July, just one day shy of a full month after the biopsies, I went to get the results, and the bottom dropped out of my world. I had a fairly large cancerous tumour in my left breast and a precancerous mass in my right breast. I had to see a surgeon on July 22nd to make arrangements to have an operation, and the worst case scenario was going to be a double mastectomy. I was upset, to say the least, but at the top of my mind were these thoughts, "I can't be sick; I'm not the one that gets sick; my husband is the one who is sick, not me!" After I visited the surgeon, I went home, and I could then finally and after much groping and pressing - feel the lump on the right side still nothing could be felt on the left, though. I then had a couple of weeks to get things in order my surgery was scheduled for August 12th, two months to the day after the biopsies.
After I received my diagnosis, and even before I went to visit the surgeon, I made a conscious decision that I would not be a victim of breast cancer; rather, I would be a survivor. In order to do that, I had to garner a lot of positive thoughts, and fill my world with people who would think positive thoughts on my behalf. Therefore, I set out on a mission to make everyone in my circle of life aware of my situation, and take them with me every step of the way. This has been my coping mechanism, and so far it has been working very well. By way of phone calls, face-to-face discussions and emailed health updates, I have reported to friends and family from coast to coast on the state of my health and the steps I was taking towards my cure.
In the paraphrased words of Jesse Jackson, "If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it. You must know it is not your aptitude but your attitude that will determine your altitude." I have tried throughout this experience to maintain a positive and upbeat attitude, and I feel that I am soaring to new heights every single day as a result. Now don't get me wrong, I am not like the daredevil, who laughs in the face of danger and refuses to face the reality of it; I am well aware of the odds and the extent of my disease, but I refuse to let it take control of my life. I want to remain in control.
In order to help you, the reader, better understand this long and sometimes arduous journey, I have decided to write my own ABC Guide, namely my "Alphabet of Breast Cancer". If my words can convince even one woman to make an appointment to have a mammogram, or if I can convince even one man to talk to the women in his life about the importance of having mammograms, I will feel that my journey has been worth it.
Cancer is not a dirty word it needs to be talked about it is not something to be whispered about behind your hand, or behind closed doors, or something to be ashamed of. You are probably thinking things like "What does she mean, cancer is talked about all the time, especially breast cancer. There are so many fundraisers now, and everyone knows about the symptoms and the treatments." This is very true in the generic sense, but many times, when cancer enters your own immediate circle, it then becomes difficult to talk about it; some family members may go into denial; others might just not be able to express themselves coherently without breaking down. For me, writing takes care of that once I write about it and get everything down on paper, I can stop focussing on it as the be-all and the end-all of my world and get on with the business of living. I find once I have written about it, I am also much more able to discuss it rationally and without quite so many tears.
I have chosen to feel that I am special because God has picked me to bear this cross, and now I have a job to do, letting everyone know that it is okay to discuss your feelings, your diagnosis and even your prognosis. Ask for the opinion of friends or family members if you have options for treatments the more input you have from the people in your life, the easier it becomes to make your decisions. Above all, don't be ashamed of yourself because you have cancer! You may not be able to control the fact of your disease, but you are able to control your treatments to an extent, and you are certainly able to control your reactions (with a little bit of practice).
I hope this recital makes you laugh at times, and cry at other times, but most of all, I hope that you might learn something from the reading of it.


IT'S TIME TO LEARN THE ABC'S
A
The agony you feel when you are first diagnosed with breast cancer is something you can't explain to anyone. It's like your whole insides have been turned upside down. But even while you are in turmoil from the shock of this news, you must seek answers to all the questions that are tumbling around in your brain. The easiest thing to do is to go home, think long and hard about what you have been told, write down all your questions, and make another doctor's appointment to get the answers you need to have.
B
Your biopsies will give your doctor information about your tumours. The procedure for core biopsies is simple they use a mammogram-style machine to locate the tumour and to hold your breast in position, then inject a local anaesthetic to freeze the breast tissue. The doctor inserts a hollow needle and removes several small samples of the tumour for testing. I was fortunate both tumours were easily accessible, and I had no problems during or after the biopsies.
"B" could also stand for the battle you are facing, but, taking the positive approach, it could be the boost you get when you realize you have a whole support network out there if you can only open your mind, your heart, and sometimes even your mouth a whole lot of people who would love to help will not offer unless or until you ask, because they don't want to be perceived as interfering. It's up to you to get the message out there, and once you do this, you will be amazed at the response!
If you are undergoing radiation therapy, boost has another meaning, because there are sometimes boost treatments given at the end of your therapy, where higher doses of radiation are directed at a smaller segment of tissue.
Unfortunately, "B" also stands for burns, which are a very real side effect of radiation treatments and which will be dealt with in more detail later in the Alphabet, under Radiation Therapy.
C
Cancer touches the lives of everyone in one way or another. Particularly during the early weeks after my diagnosis, and again following my surgery, I received many cards and notes and little gifts from my coworkers to let me know they were sending me their positive thoughts, prayers, white light of healing, or whatever form their positivity took. The important thing is caring both by letting others know you care for them, and knowing yourself that others care for you. Sometimes it is difficult to let people know just how much they mean to you, but it is very important in helping you get through this. I found it was easier in the beginning to write about my feelings; I would get all choked up if I tried to talk about it out loud. But the more often I wrote about it, the easier it became to talk about it. If you are fortunate enough to have grown-up children, as I do, they can and should form a big part of your cancer journey.
Communication is extremely important at times like this, and whatever form you choose to use, you feel better if you keep the lines of communication open.
D
Your diagnosis is very important, and until you receive it, you will feel a dread of the diagnosis. "D" also stands for doctors, doctors, doctors, and each step of the way, there are more doctors your family doctor, your surgeon, your anaesthetist, the pathologist who interprets your test results (even though you might never even know his or her name), your medical oncologist, your radiation oncologist! Throughout all of this, you will see, every minute of every day, dedication, and without the dedication of the nurses, the technicians, the doctors, the volunteers, where would any of us be?
E
There was definite excitement when they told me "we were able to remove all of the cancer". Following surgery, some people feel some embarrassment because you don't look quite like you used to but everyone who knows you is aware of your situation, and as far as the rest of the world is concerned, it really is none of their business! Use your recuperation time for education, both for yourself and for your family and friends. Understand, and explain to others, that you need some time alone, that you are more tired than usual, that you might be moody, but you are normal through all of this and despite some of it!
Email has played an extremely important part in my journey, because I have been sending health updates periodically to a number of family, friends and coworkers, and have been receiving some very positive feedback from them. This all contributes to my journey of healing.
F
Where would we be without faith, family and friends? Your faith might refer to your chosen religion, but it could also refer to your faith in your doctors and the treatment regimen you must follow. Family and friends play a significant role in your recovery as well. But when you are diagnosed with any type of cancer, you also have fear the fear of not being cured; the fear of what you have facing you; fear of the future all of these things are very frightening.
G
Getting well is given the highest priority at times like this. You have to focus on a whole lot of things which are intended to make you better. It is also important to maintain as much of a normal lifestyle as you possibly can. I am very fortunate to have two fantastic grandsons, Matt and Jordan, who are 16 and 8 years old respectively. When I feel down or disheartened (and I do have those feelings at times, although I work very hard at not having them), I try to concentrate on "Grammy's boys" and tell myself I have to get better so I can go to the boys' basketball games. Their Grandad (my husband John) is also very much on my mind through this journey. He has his own health issues and yet he made every effort to get me to my treatments, sit and listen to my doctors, help with the shopping, do the laundry, and on and on. Where would I be without him, I wonder?
H
Hugs have always had great healing powers for me, from the time I was a little girl (and that certainly wasn't just last week). It seemed like there was nothing that a good hug couldn't fix! Humour is another of my strongest coping mechanisms, and it has seen me through many a tough time over the years. On the day of my surgery, during the long wait, we had a couple of very humorous moments to describe them here would not do them justice, so I won't even try.
Hope is also a quality that comes to the forefront following a cancer diagnosis; hope that you will recover, hope that the cancer will not return, hope that your family will be able to cope with your illness, hope that the doctors know what they're talking about! "H" is also the hospital I was fortunate enough to be able to stay in the hospital overnight when I had my surgery; most breast cancer patients are simply day surgery patients; however, my surgeon decided that since both breasts were compromised, she would keep me overnight.
Healing thoughts have been sent to me by many, both very close friends and even many casual acquaintances, and I sometimes think that I can actually feel them surrounding me. It's much like that feeling of love you have when holding a baby, or that feeling of peace and comfort some feel when sitting in church.
I
Ignorance is an unfortunate trait seen in many of our friends and family ignorance of symptoms, ignorance of all the various stages of your ongoing battle. Most times this exists because breast cancer has never really touched them as closely as it has now, with your diagnosis. Now, it is really up to you to educate everyone in your life circle in the long run, this will make your journey an easier one. You should also take an interest in what is happening to you don’t be apathetic about it, take an active part in your treatment make sure you understand what the doctors are doing and why; don't use your imagination, there are other times when that will come in handy face the reality of your disease and you will better understand the outcomes.
J
During your journey through all of the facets of breast cancer, your joie de vivre may leave something to be desired you are fatigued a lot of the time, but when you do have spurts of energy, it is very important to keep your spirits up and do things that are fun, whenever possible.
If you have a job, you will no doubt require six to eight weeks off, at the very minimum, for recovery from your surgery alone. Normally, you will require much more time than that. Depending on your own healing times and the advice of your doctors, you may be able to work through your treatments, just taking enough time off each day to go to the hospital for your treatment and then return to work. Many people are able to do this, but even more are not the chemotherapy (if you require it) makes you sick, the radiation makes you very tired, and for the majority of people, if at all possible, it is easier to be off from work during the treatment period.
K
Knowledge of the various options open to you at any given time is very important. You should ask, at every stage, about things you don't understand. There are many options available for assistance, whether it be emotional, physical or financial. The members of the health care system are more than willing to share their knowledge with you if you take the time to make intelligent inquiries.
Kisses and hugs and snuggles are also very important to your physical and mental well-being. Every chance you get, take time to give your loved ones a kiss and a hug that is one of the things people regret more than anything else when their time on this earth is getting short that they did not take time to give their loved ones more kisses and hugs and let them know how loved they were!
For every kindness you show to another, you give yourself a very important gift, the gift of comfort in knowing that you have enriched the life of someone else. Try it sometime; you really do feel better if you do kind things for others.
L
Love plays an important part in your recovery. To let your loved ones know that you care is crucial all the time, but especially at times like this. By the same token, knowing that you are loved in return gives you the reason you need to fight tooth and nail to recover from this blow.
Laughter can be every bit as important as good nutrition I think of it as nutrition for my mind! I truly don't think that I could live without being able to laugh at least once during every single day. Even during the saddest times of my life, I have always been able to find something funny if not enough to bring an outright laugh, at least enough to bring a smile. Your life is important, and the way you choose to live your life knowing that you have cancer is also very important. You can choose the path of denial, you can decide to take a negative approach to everything, or you can choose to face facts, face your fears, and live your life to the fullest.
Lymphedema, or swelling of the areas close to the lymph nodes, is often a side effect of removal of the lymph nodes in the breast area. It is treated by using compression garments (sleeves, gloves, vests) and also by massage therapy. I was fortunate in that I did not have true lymphedema, but I did have moderately severe post-operative swelling. Sometimes, lymphedema does not appear for months, or even years, following breast cancer surgery.
Lumpectomy is the name given to the type of surgery I had, where they remove the cancerous mass without actually removing the entire breast. It is also sometimes referred to as breast-conserving surgery my breasts following the surgery are very nearly the same as they were with three pencil-thin incision scars that are fading daily. I had two lumpectomies, one on each breast, to remove the tumour and the pre-cancerous mass. I also had several lymph nodes removed from the armpit on the left side.
M
Mammogram that’s where it all started for me, I got the results of my mammogram. And I guess if you've read this far, you know those results weren't good! Yet mammograms are very important for women over the age of 40; you should have an annual test early detection is the key to curing breast cancer!
Mastectomy was one of the options facing me following my biopsies; I opted for lumpectomies instead of a double mastectomy, but I was certainly given the choice. Some people don't have any choice in this matter; their cancer dictates that they require the mastectomy; others make the choice to have the breast removed, even if a lumpectomy is an option. Because I am full-breasted, both the surgeon and I agreed that the lumpectomy would be the best option for me.
Menopause because I have already gone through menopause, I was a candidate for estrogen receptor ("ER") testing the results of that testing determined that I would not need chemotherapy, but would likely respond to Tamoxifen, an anti-cancer drug. Most pre-menopausal women in my situation would have required chemo; a number of post-menopausal women would also have required chemo; I was fortunate in that I did not, but had it been indicated, I would have followed my doctors' recommendations.
Massage is something that is extremely beneficial following breast cancer surgery, to help prevent lymphedema, or to ease the discomfort caused by post-operative swelling. The type of massage is a bit different from deep-tissue massage, because the lymph in your body is directly under the skin; therefore you only require a very light-touch type of massage in order to get the lymph moving through your system. There is a very specialized technique, but if you suffer from swelling, you should definitely investigate this type of massage therapy. You should also be aware that there are massage therapists who specialize in breast cancer; also there are facilities available at the Cancer Centre where such services are provided for patients.

N
Nurses play an extremely important role in your life when you have breast cancer. I had my surgery at the Dartmouth General Hospital, and all the nurses, both in the pre-op area and in the recovery room, were the epitome of caring and professionalism. In my opinion, they could have been the models used when someone came up with the definition of a nurse as an "angel of mercy".
Your medical oncologist has a nurse who talks to you before each doctor's visit and who is specialized in dealing with the medical aspects of your recovery. She is able to explain many things about your treatment regimen, and can often answer any questions you may have. If you require radiation therapy, your radiation oncologist also has a specialized nurse who can help to educate you in all the facets of your radiation treatments.
Numbness is one of the side effects you feel following surgery, particularly in areas close to where lymph nodes were removed. Sometimes this numbness lasts for years; other times it disappears soon after the nerve endings are healed.
O
Optimism will take you farther on the road to recovery than any other trait, or at least that is my opinion. Always try to see the bright side of your situation. Don't become known as the messenger of gloom and doom instead, have people refer to you as the one who always sees the silver lining in the clouds.
Oncologists are a very important part of your treatment regime they study the test results and look at your medical history and, with some input from you, they decide on a course of treatment. Your medical oncologist treats your whole body (systemic treatment) with either chemotherapy, hormone therapy or a combination of things designed to find cancer cells wherever they may be hiding and kill them off. Your radiation oncologist deals with the radiation therapy portion of your treatment regime and makes recommendations with respect to the number and type of treatments you will require.
P
The people in your life become very important all of a sudden after your diagnosis with breast cancer. The roles they play may often change perhaps you have been the "take charge" person in the family now someone else might have to assume that role if you don't feel quite up to it. Also, some of the people in your inner circle will become the ones who do your mundane daily chores, like dishes, laundry and such.
Most people say I have a positive attitude. I am very much a fatalist I believe that if it's going to happen, it will happen, so you might just as well smile and make the most of it. That seems to be my general philosophy of life. As I have said before, and will no doubt say again, don't fret about the things you cannot control, but take control where you can!
Prayer goes a long way whether it is prayer in the formal sense, as in going to church, actually saying pre-written prayers, or simply carrying on a conversation with God in your head.
Pain comes and goes usually it is sharp and stabbing, like electric shocks. This is apparently the healing of the nerve endings that were cut during the surgery. There is also pain sometimes with radiation burns; that pain is stinging and persistent. But all of this pain comes and goes; none of it is constant; there are hours and sometimes days where there is no pain at all.
Q
During this journey through discovery and treatment of cancer, you will come across many questions, both asked and answered. Sometimes you will be doing the asking; sometimes the answering. It is important that these questions be dealt with but even more important is that you put the questions to the proper person for answers if it is something only a doctor should answer, by all means ask your doctor remember that your health team members are there to help you.
During the days (and more so, the nights) of my recovery, my fleece quilt played a very important role. Many evenings, even in the summer and early fall, I found I got quite chilly, and nothing made me more comfortable than my quilt! I was just like a toddler with a security blanket I never moved too far from my quilt when I was at home!
R
Radiation therapy varies from patient to patient I was slated for 25 "regular" radiation treatments, plus 4 "boosts" on the right breast. The treatments themselves do not hurt I would lie on the table with my hands above my head, the radiation technologists would line up their laser beams with my little "freckle-size" tattoos sometimes they might have to draw lines or circles on my skin with a marker I felt like a human colouring book some days! Occasionally, they had to move me by half a centimetre or so to the left or to the right (no easy feat there!!) and I was not allowed to help (they always told me to "lie heavy" and I would think "when you weigh as much as I do, it's impossible to lie any other way"). Then, once everything was properly positioned for the left side treatment, they left the room and I got zapped nothing touched me, the machine would whirr, a buzzer would sound during the few minutes when the radiation beam was on, but I didn't see or feel anything at all. Then, they would have to reposition me a little bit so they could treat the right side, they would leave the room again, that side got zapped, they came back, and it would be time to go home. All told, I would be in that treatment room for only about 20 minutes. At our Hospital, there are a number of radiation treatment rooms, but each patient's treatments are always done in the same room, so it becomes familiar and the patient feels more comfortable going to the same room every day. The staff members of the radiation department are all very pleasant and helpful, and usually the same people are there every day. On Wednesdays, after my treatment, I would see the radiation oncology nurse and if she had any concerns (or if I had any concerns), I would see the radiation oncologist as well, so the Wednesday times were always somewhat longer.
A side effect of radiation therapy is sometimes radiation burns. Trust me; they are not nearly so easy to deal with as are the treatments themselves! About mid-way through my treatments, it became apparent that my poor old skin did not take too kindly to the amounts of radiation to which it was being exposed. I think it is important that you know some of the details, if only so that you are aware of the fact that it is sometimes "normal" for a person's body to have extreme reactions to things like this. The skin reactions started out as redness. When I looked in the mirror, the entire area from the middle of one armpit to the middle of the other one was bright red it looked like really bad sunburn. There was a definite demarcation outlining the areas which were being treated, almost as though someone had drawn it on and coloured it in. The oncologists tell you to treat the redness by using pure Aloe gel like you would for sunburn it takes the heat out. That worked for a little while, until the redness peaked. Then again like sunburn the skin got a little bit itchy, which was normal (and I got a little bit bitchy, which was also normal) on to step two, where they supply you with a couple of tubes of hydrocortisone cream to take away the itchiness. That only worked for a couple of days, because then the skin beneath my breasts broke down and split, and then I needed a prescription for Flamazine, another cream which heals burns. Using the Flamazine ointment meant that if I was getting dressed, I would have to put a gauze or Telfa dressing over the ointment in order to put clothes on.
Some people who have radiation get the sunburn effect and their skin blisters and peels just like bad sunburn would. Those are the lucky ones - unfortunately, I was not one of them my reaction was more severe. Using the Flamazine, the open areas which had been confined to the skin under both breasts started to heal, but then the armpit area on the left broke down quite badly, with a fairly large area of my armpit, at the edge of the left breast looking like one large burn.
These reactions were also quite painful. After a terrible weekend, I arrived at the Radiotherapy Department for my Monday appointment in pain and somewhat sleep-deprived. I think that on Saturday night and Sunday night that weekend, the most I slept at one stretch was about two hours; I was the proverbial basket case even though I didn't really know it yet. I was okay until I got on the table for my radiation treatment, and then I started to cry and I couldn't stop. The radiation technologists comforted me, I got through the treatment and even though it wasn't my scheduled day to see the oncologist, they paged her and she met with me following my treatment. I left with prescriptions for Tylenol-3 (with codeine) and a few sleeping pills, all of which were to be used sparingly but often enough to keep the pain at bay and to permit my body to get some much-needed rest. By the time of my regular appointment with the doctor on Wednesday, I was more like myself, although I was still in pain and the skin reaction was still progressing.
The final four treatments (I had 29 in total) consisted of radiation boosts to one small area on my right breast. This is nothing like the "Final Four" basketball fans know what I mean here. These are just the lower case final four, and they were given on a Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and then I was all finished. I thought I was "done for" before then, but after that Wednesday, I was finished! By the next week, the areas under my breasts were completely healed and the armpit area on the left side was noticeably better, with some fresh, new pink skin replacing the edges of the open areas. It took another two weeks for the left breast area to be fully healed, and it remained tender for some time after that. My right breast was not fully healed from the burns for approximately one month following the end of my treatments.
The reaction on my right breast was severe enough that the radiation oncologist suggested that I hold off on starting the next phase of my treatment (an oral drug called Tamoxifen) until the condition of my skin (and my nerves too I think) was a bit better. Normally, I should have started the Tamoxifen just a couple of days after my final radiation treatment. Instead, it was about two weeks later, in order that I had time to focus my attention on the skin breakdown on my right breast and concentrate on healing. It still looks like I have a tattoo of Africa there that’s the shape I see, anyhow.
I had such a strong reaction to the radiation, and such a miserable time of it that I think of all this as God's reminder that I do have a serious disease and that my journey is not quite over yet.

S
As I said, I made up my mind at the beginning of this ordeal that I would right away consider myself a survivor of this dreaded disease, and that I would do everything in my power to ensure that this definition became an accurate one. So, for the past number of months, I have been refusing to indulge in self-pity (or at least forcing myself up out of the doldrums when a short bout of self-pity threatened to take hold). During any recovery, sleep becomes very important it is crucial to both your physical and emotional well-being to get enough sleep at the best of times, but particularly so when you are ill.
Smiles are also important during the recovery phase. If at all possible, find something to smile about no matter what your situation you will find that all of a sudden things don't seem quite so dreary. If, as I have already written, laughter is nutrition for the mind, then smiles are the appetizers!
My personal alphabet could not be complete without Simon, which is yet another thing that makes me smile! Simon is a small stuffed Maine moose that Jordan brought to me before I had my surgery. He knew I had to go to the hospital and that "Grammy likes mooses" and so, when he was away on his vacation, he bought Simon as my special friend to take to the hospital with me, to keep me company overnight, after Grandad had to go home. Believe you me, Simon and I have become fast friends over the past number of months! He knows all my secrets and has seen me through all of my low times.
T
Tumour, growth, lump, mass, thickening whatever you call it, it all boils down to one thing a lot of the time, it's either cancer or pre-cancer and it has to come out! I have found that there is no such thing as typical when it comes to breast cancer there are as many different situations as there are women with breast cancer sometimes there are many similarities, but the exact location of your tumour, the nature and extent of your treatment regimen, the placement of your tattoos if you are having radiation, whether or not you have to take Tamoxifen all of these things vary from case to case.
Whether it is trust in your doctors, trust in yourself, trust in your personal support network, trust in God, or trust in some other higher being, you cannot survive this journey without trust. During the low periods, you have to have somewhere to turn for me, I turned to my friends and family during the daylight hours, and to God in the darkness. I am not a church person, but I truly believe that God has brought me to this journey and I trust Him to bring me through it.
I think my personal turning point came a couple of weeks after my final radiation treatment, when my burns were healed enough that I did not need to use any ointment or dressings. That was, to my mind, a true triumph.
U
For every understanding person you meet following your diagnosis with breast cancer, you will meet another who is completely unthinking (though not necessarily unkind). Use whatever methods you need to, in order to educate those who make comments without thinking they need to be educated; their comments may sound unkind when they are uttered, but if you look past the comment, you will realize that they just didn't stop to think.
I have tried (and I'm still trying it’s a continuing effort) to remain upbeat and positive. I think it's working I don't seem to have as much uncertainty as I had at the beginning, and I certainly don't think of my breasts as ugly (although this is a fairly common reaction to surgical scars, particularly those on the breast). I simply think of the scars as reminders to me to look after myself.
V
How often have you heard the words "vim, vigour and vitality"? Back in the 1800s, those words were used together to denote the restorative powers of some medicines ads proclaimed things like "our sleeping powders will promote healing and restore your vim, vigour and vitality". I don't know about old-time medicines, but I do know that trying to maintain your vim, vigour and vitality while undergoing treatment is certainly a challenge, though not an impossibility. Your viewpoint goes a long way towards accomplishing this if you keep a positive attitude, you will eventually be victorious in your quest for better health. Visitors can play an important part in your recovery, but remember that rest and recuperation go hand-in-hand. If you are tired, limit your time with your visitors and explain to them that you need your rest. They will understand.
W
Wellness is foremost in your mind when you are going through any type of illness, and so it is with me during this journey. There have been times when wakefulness has taken over nights when thinking about the enormity of all this has kept me from sleeping, but thankfully they have been few.
Weeping is, I think, a necessary part of your recovery to some extent; however, you can't let it take over your life. There are times when you are overwhelmed and it is completely normal to cry some of those times. Sometimes, though, walking can take your mind off your troubles go to a nearby park and look around you at the wonders of nature!
X
"X" marks the spot! After you receive your markings ("tattoos") at your "simulation session", prior to the commencement of your radiation treatments, you will be left with small tattoos the size of a freckle. These are permanent marks they guide the radiation technologists on their quest to direct the radiation beam at the correct area of tissue. The tattoos are actually very small, so there are times when the technologists have to re-mark the area to make it easier for them they usually use water-based markers for this purpose, so you can wash these marks off in the shower. Depending on the habits of your technician, some days you will come home with circles drawn under your arms and on your breasts, and other days there might be big red or green "x" marks. I have been told that some people are upset by these marks, but to me, I always think, "X marks the spot" like on a treasure map, and the spot being marked is where there might be stray cancer cells lurking, so to me, these marks are a very important part of my treatment and recovery.
Y
It seems like only yesterday that I was flying home from a Las Vegas vacation, mentally reminding myself that I had a mammogram appointment at the end of the coming week. So much water has gone under the bridge since then biopsies, surgery, waiting times, treatments, appointments, and so on. And, at the end of every segment, I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs, I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS; I WILL SURVIVE THIS!
It is truly my personal opinion that you should try at all times to just be yourself it's okay to laugh at the same things you laughed at yesterday; it's okay to cry about the things that are happening today; and it's also okay to look forward to a bright tomorrow. Don't let the fact that you have breast cancer take complete control of your life you yourself have the power to take control of the cancer. Okay, you can't actually control it, but you can certainly control your reaction to it, and if you react with a positive attitude, and try to face each day with a smile, and try your very best to see the funny side of things, you will feel better, both emotionally and physically.
In five years, when they pronounce me cured of this cancer, you will be able to hear me shout "Yahoo!" and "Yippee!" Wherever you might be trust me, you'll hear me!
Z
"Z" stands for my Zero-hour, and that has changed from time to time during this journey. At first, the zero-hour was the date for the biopsies; then the appointment with the doctor to get results; then the appointment with the surgeon. Zero-hour changed once again, to the date of the surgery. Once the surgery was over, zero-hour became oncologist appointments and finding out about treatment options. After the treatments started, zero-hour stood for the date of the final treatment, and once the Tamoxifen prescription was filled, zero-hour became five years down the road, when the Tamoxifen is finished with.

I hope my ABC's have helped to increase your understanding of breast cancer from a patient's viewpoint. Of course, there are many more things that each letter of the alphabet could stand for these are just a sampling of those that came to mind when my journey was being taken. I'm sure you could add your own alphabet to mine, and it would all make sense. And, if you have questions, be sure to ask your health care professionals. Remember, they are here to assist you and to keep you informed.
I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all who helped me on my journey family members, friends and coworkers, health-care professionals, and myriad others too numerous to mention. I would, though, like to extend a special thank you to all my nurses, and to the Nova Scotia Cancer Centre Unit "D" radiation technologists Lori, Adam, Paula, Jenna, Keltie, Jack, to name a few who kept me going during the long weeks of radiotherapy, including my highs and lows, and especially my lows.
©2009 Liz McCoombs

 

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