In Memory of Bernard Agar
Friday, October 22, 2010
By: Rebecca Charrois

My grandfather passed away last year of lung cancer. I am determined to make a difference so lung cancer is better funded, and people become better educated about the disease.

It was February 2009 and my grandparents went for lunch at White Spot, a place they loved to dine at often. It was there where granddad had a fall, but this fall ended up escalating beyond anything any of us would expect. After the incident, he went home and seemed fine, but then we all started discovering something was not right with my grandfather.
In early spring he started having pains in his sides. Through many tests and scans the doctor was hesitant to express what was truly going on and thus even more tests were administered. My grandmother and mum went along many times, before the doctor finally revealed, with great sympathy, the terrible C word lung cancer. Before they were even informed, we all knew it nonetheless somewhere in our hearts we hoped not admitting it would make it false. Once again Cancer had reared its ugly face in our family sneering and snickering at us, but we would not give up that easy. My grandfather was advised radiation treatments may help shrink the ugly mass. We all fought for him, with our hearts.
Before cancer had ever been diagnosed, my grandfather was already showing signs of his tampered mind. Still to this day, we do not know if his confusion was due to the cancer or if dementia was also playing a roll and coincidence was to blame. Either way it was hard to watch him suffer.
I never realized just how badly the disease had devoured his impressive mind until I went to visit one summer day. Usually visits at my grandparents would entail hours of endless story telling over a warm cup of tea and listening to him express his amazing knowledge. He loved sharing his experiences in the war and the people he met along the way. He always had a new, captivating story to tell me and I loved hearing them. He talked in a way you felt like you had been picked up and placed right there amidst it all. The smells, the tastes the people every little detail was perfectly described. I always looked forward to those visits. I could tell just how much he appreciated life. Unfortunately, this visit was different.
I sat with him, as well as, my grandmother and mum and he was mostly quiet which was out of the ordinary for him. Although, he was expressing excitement while pointing at something, turning to look I see that there was nothing there at all just an illusion, a hallucination. Of course, I pretended there was, careful not to hurt his feelings. Fortunately, at this time his passion for music had not subsided. I could see his true colours shine through his cancer ridden body when my grandma put in a DVD. It was a Barbra Streisand in concert. He loved his music, and still did when he listened to the songs it was as if all his senses were enticed by the music it just lit him up.
Weeks later things got progressively worse. My grandmother is a strong and empowering woman and took care of him every day. True love was the motivator and even in his state, he loved her and relied on her more than anyone could fathom like a child needing a mother. But, soon my grandfather could no longer stay home. He was finally admitted to hospital with round the clock care. When treatments and ideas were running low my mother and grandmother had to make a difficult choice. Granddad was admitted to the hospice.
My granddad was not there long. I will never forget the last time I saw him. My sister and I decided to visit him in the hospice, although on the drive there we had no idea that what we were doing was saying good-bye. We decided to stop at Safeway to pick up a card, standing in the aisle reading terminally ill cards we just broke down and cried. Comforting each other we admitted to ourselves it was going to be extremely difficult.
We stayed at the hospice for a few hours holding his hand, talking to him. It was incredibly hard to see him so small and withered away. I could not believe my eyes. He was having a hard time breathing and it made me so upset knowing what led him to be like this. Finally the time came for us to go, neither my sister nor I wanted to. It was incredibly hard to say good-bye. I still think to this day it was the hardest thing I did in my life. I told him I loved him, and kissed him on the forehead as tears welled up in my eyes which was all too familiar. My sister did the same and off we went.
Only a few days later, in July 2009, while sitting at my boyfriend's house watching T.V - I got the call. I knew it was coming; it was just a matter of time, but the knowing this did not lessen the shock. I held my tears until I was off the phone. Dealing with the feeling of loss was incredibly hard for me, so I went to my grandmother's house to be with others who felt the same way.
We reminisced about the good times and it felt better to be there. I will never forget such a wonderful man and I will never forget the feelings that still linger when I think of the loss as it is such a heavy loss for my family and me.
My grandfather was not like everyone else. He was so special and such an inspiration to me. He was so talented in many different ways. His mind was sharp and fresh, and he always made sure to keep it that way with countless crosswords morning after morning. He also painted and taught my siblings and I so much about art. He played the organ and my sister had always wanted him to play it on her wedding day.
No one knows how long my grandfather would have lived if he hadn't been diagnosed with lung cancer. All I know is he probably would not have died when he did, and may not have suffered the way he did. I do not believe anyone deserves to leave the world in such a horrible way. So why do we continue to smoke and fund the companies that kill our loved ones? Smoking is addicting, and it is hard to quit, but just remember the price you pay may be your life.
I want to make a difference by sharing his story. The Canadian Cancer Society explains that lung cancer risks increase by 20 to 30 percent with smoking. I hope reading this story will make some think twice before lighting up. But, lung cancer does not discriminate; anyone can get lung cancer no matter their age.

By Rebecca Charrois