Embracing the Enemy
Saturday, January 7, 2012
By: Kelly Hogan

I was diagnosed at 34 years old with squamous cell carcinoma of the tonsil. It was advanced stages late 3 early 4.

The beginning was horrible, it’s never nice.
The middle was worse
The ending could have been the worst
I am making it the best by force.
I was 34 years old. Complained of my tumor, that resembled a throat infection from April....until treatment in September. Very hard still to convince a Doctor that cancer is not prejudice against age. The blow hit my young family quite hard. I think the worry for them and my parents busied my own fears and worries. I won't lie. It is hell. Oscar Wilde once said "if your in hell, keep on going" He couldn't be more right. After all what other direction is there? A support system is absolute. Most importantly strength you never imagined. Of course a stiffened lip and all that jazz will most certainly not let you go quietly into that good night. I survived. I have battle wounds. A stiffened neck, near saliva, and nerve damage. I am here to type it however, and that’s what matters. I am just over a year in the clear. I am still rummaging and have A-HA! moments. I thought today I would share one.

For myself, warriors, fighters and the fallen

I do not hate you
I accept you and your place
I admire you. Strength, presence and silence
I do not cry for what you have done to me
I smile at the consequences. Courage and power you unknowingly draw
I am not afraid of you
I am always with you
I care not what you took from me
I thank you for what you gave me
I consider you a formidable enemy
As am I
Many have succumbed to you
No one has surrendered
We have met
We have fought
We did part
If we meet again, I will be ready and waiting
I will accept your challenge
If ever you win our battle....
Know you have never won me
I will forgive you and after, forget you
The memory of me will never be forgotten
You will not win
I will and have

~Kelly Dyke Hogan~