“Try to maintain normalcy in your life.”

Kim Schaaf recalls with a laugh the dress she wore to her high school graduation. “It had gold sequins. It was very much of the times then,” says the 26-year-old Alberta native. “My mom made it for me,” she adds proudly.

What made Kim’s high school graduation so memorable is not just that dress. It’s the fact that her mother Pearl was able to attend the ceremony. A year earlier, Pearl had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Pearl decided not to tell her two teenage daughters right away. “She tried to protect us from it. She wanted to keep our lives as normal as possible,” explains Kim.

It wasn’t until Thanksgiving weekend in 1998 that Pearl finally told Kim and her younger sister Crystal. “At first, I had disbelief. I couldn’t believe it could happen to her,” recalls Kim. “My grandpa had passed away a few years earlier from the same cancer. It seemed shocking to think that the same thing was happening to her.”

Because the family lived on a farm, Pearl had a 45-minute commute to her chemotherapy treatments. “Sometimes I would drive her,” says Kim. But Pearl wanted her daughters to keep doing their regular activities; she didn’t want them to put their lives on hold. So Kim and Crystal continued to attend school and participate in 4-H Club activities. Kim was also class president during her last year of high school.

Because Pearl’s legs were often swollen from her chemotherapy treatments, Kim and Crystal would give her leg rubs to make her feel better.  That’s when Kim realized that it isn’t just spouses who are caregivers to those with cancer.

“It can be anyone. Until my mom got sick, I didn’t understand what a caregiver was.”

By the next spring, Pearl’s chemotherapy treatments had stopped. “The cancer was very aggressive. She was in and out of the hospital a lot,” recalls Kim. But Pearl wanted to be home for Kim’s high school graduation. “And she made it. It was really important to her.” The day after Kim’s graduation, her mother Pearl returned to the hospital. Three weeks later, Pearl passed away. She was 40.

Nine years later, Kim has finished university, got married and now has a young daughter of her own. Since her mother’s death, she has volunteered and worked at the Canadian Cancer Society. “I want to give back to the cause and help others who have been affected by this disease.

“One of the things that I would like to change is what the public perception of a caregiver is. It’s not just the spouse of a cancer patient. A caregiver is anyone - a family friend, son or daughter or any other member of the family - that helps the patient through their experience.”

Her hope is that if more people understand what a caregiver truly is, there will be even more support for those impacted by cancer. Kim credits sharing her cancer experience with others in similar situations to helping her through the healing process.
 
Her advice for children who are dealing with a parent who has cancer: “Try to maintain normalcy in your life. You can’t not live because of this experience.”

Kim still has that gold sequin dress in her closet. Despite her own worries about getting cancer, she is optimistic. “You have to be. And you have to be proactive. If your parent had cancer, be sure to get tested.”